Hey.
I'm wishing a few things at the moment. They're all trivial, because honestly who needs anything deep and dramatic aside from emotional masochists?
Anyway, I wish I had come up with Garfield minus Garfield. Second, I wish I were Jim Davis and came up with Garfield, just so some other guy could come up with Garfield minus Garfield. I'm liking it almost as Calvin and Hobbes. The last is from the 13th, which is mildly baffling. Maybe the guy's on vacation. But really, this is one that I can't even picture that dumb orange cat being involved in in the first place. Maybe his ears are peeking above the window sill and he's making clever little quips about Jon's sorry state. Who cares. ERASE. But wait, what? He's standing in front of a window? That's comedy. But with a simple shift in interpretation, it turns to complete TRAGEDY: put Jon in front of a mirror for the first six frames and then consider the transition from frame six to seven a time jump, where in Jon actually then took the time to walk over to the window and just stands there, as if in light of his recent discoveries of a deteriorating body, he just can't bring himself to go outside. It's even more tragic when you put the last frame much later in the day, as if it were hours later and he still hasn't progressed at all, physically or mentally. Jon, how do I help you? What mistakes have you made in life that has made you this way? Why didn't you get a stupid cat at some point to make light of your situation enough for everyone including yourself to camouflage your manic depression as good natured silliness? More importantly, how do I not become you?
Well, so much for trivial.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
I think I just caught a teen runaway!
Here I am working away for once, and out from the bushes emerges this young kid with a black hooded sweatshirt (hood extended, light blue jeans (the kind a kid's mom buys for him at k-mart) and a huge red backpack (again, mom's decision). Mind you i wasn't outside working in the bushes,that would kind of be great. I was sitting at my desk facing our serene pond-scape out the window.
So this kid's pretty shifty, looking behind him and all over the place. But here he is traipsing around a tiny pond next to this office building that from the packed parking lot clearly has people working in it. One guy was even getting out of his car as he walked by.
He goes around the length of the pond, and st this point I'm forced to stand up to see what he's doing on the other side of the building. He ends up getting hemmed in by the water, as there's a stream that separates the half he'd been walking. So the kid takes a giant leap over the thing and practically falls in. Actually he might have dipped a foot in there from what I could tell. So it's clear now that this kid's insane.
He heads directly over to a picnic table like he'd reserved it. He starts going through his bag and I don't know, jumping around with something in his hand. They were either matches or those paper bombs you toss at people's feet or cats and freak them out. He was surrounded by grass, so I don't know what the hell he was doing.
Then he zips up the bag and takes off again, this time underneath the effing building! So I lose sight of him, and as fast as possible head over to that side of the building. I have a choice of office to trespass into, so I pick Peter's cause he's cool. I got over to the window and he's like "What's going on?" all excited and shit. And I'm like "I just saw someone walking along the pond. He had a hooded sweatshirt and a backpack." And Peter's like "Oo, we got a hitcher!" And just then there were like a series of honks from somewhere, but I couldn't see where. Now our office is at located at the left thigh of the Route 2/I-95 crotch, so this kid might have been crazy enough to cross the highway.
My vantage point here was no longer ideal, so I headed downstairs, shirking all work responsibilities and went for a brief foot search for this kid. I came out of the emergency exit (this was a fucking emergency) but didn't see him, not around the pond, not in the parking lot, not careening across the highway, not even flying through the air after impact. Nothing. He was GONE!
This was around lunchtime, so his attendance had to have been missed somewhere. I know this kid probably has problems that he just can't bear to face anymore, but I was thinking about REPORTING his ass. Yeah? Get the fuzz down here, make a day of it?
Anyway, it was like the most exciting thing. I promise the ol' novel won't be a series of 'like's and 'so's, though who knows where my mental capacity will be come 40k+. If a day was ever a bitch, yesterday had her period on top of it.
15,000...tick tick tick....
So this kid's pretty shifty, looking behind him and all over the place. But here he is traipsing around a tiny pond next to this office building that from the packed parking lot clearly has people working in it. One guy was even getting out of his car as he walked by.
He goes around the length of the pond, and st this point I'm forced to stand up to see what he's doing on the other side of the building. He ends up getting hemmed in by the water, as there's a stream that separates the half he'd been walking. So the kid takes a giant leap over the thing and practically falls in. Actually he might have dipped a foot in there from what I could tell. So it's clear now that this kid's insane.
He heads directly over to a picnic table like he'd reserved it. He starts going through his bag and I don't know, jumping around with something in his hand. They were either matches or those paper bombs you toss at people's feet or cats and freak them out. He was surrounded by grass, so I don't know what the hell he was doing.
Then he zips up the bag and takes off again, this time underneath the effing building! So I lose sight of him, and as fast as possible head over to that side of the building. I have a choice of office to trespass into, so I pick Peter's cause he's cool. I got over to the window and he's like "What's going on?" all excited and shit. And I'm like "I just saw someone walking along the pond. He had a hooded sweatshirt and a backpack." And Peter's like "Oo, we got a hitcher!" And just then there were like a series of honks from somewhere, but I couldn't see where. Now our office is at located at the left thigh of the Route 2/I-95 crotch, so this kid might have been crazy enough to cross the highway.
My vantage point here was no longer ideal, so I headed downstairs, shirking all work responsibilities and went for a brief foot search for this kid. I came out of the emergency exit (this was a fucking emergency) but didn't see him, not around the pond, not in the parking lot, not careening across the highway, not even flying through the air after impact. Nothing. He was GONE!
This was around lunchtime, so his attendance had to have been missed somewhere. I know this kid probably has problems that he just can't bear to face anymore, but I was thinking about REPORTING his ass. Yeah? Get the fuzz down here, make a day of it?
Anyway, it was like the most exciting thing. I promise the ol' novel won't be a series of 'like's and 'so's, though who knows where my mental capacity will be come 40k+. If a day was ever a bitch, yesterday had her period on top of it.
15,000...tick tick tick....
Friday, November 7, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
An open letter addressed solely to Samuel Beam
Hey Sam, what's happening?
So first thing, love the new album. Just great. Can't say that I bought it, you know, with money, but I totally would have if I had any, right? Wouldn't we all? Anyway, love it.
So listen. I've got a project for you. There's this song of yours that I think would be perfect for a film based on a book that I'm writing right now. Resurrection Fern, you've heard it right? Great. So I was thinking if there was anyway you could maybe you know, rerecord it, maybe slow it down a little bit. Like a Such Great Heights type of thing. Keep the slide guitar, that's great, but maybe replace it with something a little less, what's the word, "in your face". But everything else is great, love the lyrics, the melody, it's beautiful. Can the shaker. Too groovy.
I'd say we're looking at a release date around...2032? So you've got plenty of time there Sammy.
So listen, here's my blog if you need any help with anything. Actually you know what? There is one other thing. I'd be happy to offer my services as backup vocals, yeah? I think that would work really well. I'll be around 50 then, so who knows, but let's make that happen.
Great, thanks Beamer. See you in Northampton you crazy motherfucker.
R.W.P.
So first thing, love the new album. Just great. Can't say that I bought it, you know, with money, but I totally would have if I had any, right? Wouldn't we all? Anyway, love it.
So listen. I've got a project for you. There's this song of yours that I think would be perfect for a film based on a book that I'm writing right now. Resurrection Fern, you've heard it right? Great. So I was thinking if there was anyway you could maybe you know, rerecord it, maybe slow it down a little bit. Like a Such Great Heights type of thing. Keep the slide guitar, that's great, but maybe replace it with something a little less, what's the word, "in your face". But everything else is great, love the lyrics, the melody, it's beautiful. Can the shaker. Too groovy.
I'd say we're looking at a release date around...2032? So you've got plenty of time there Sammy.
So listen, here's my blog if you need any help with anything. Actually you know what? There is one other thing. I'd be happy to offer my services as backup vocals, yeah? I think that would work really well. I'll be around 50 then, so who knows, but let's make that happen.
Great, thanks Beamer. See you in Northampton you crazy motherfucker.
R.W.P.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
8 bucks, 8 books
What better way to blow some cash at goodwill? I'll make this one (relatively) short and (unnaturally) sweet. I have wurk to do.
In the order I just piled them on my desk:
1. Digital Fortress by Dan Brown - I've read every thing else he's written so far. Completes the set!
2. Big Fish by Daniel Wallace - I wanted to live in the movie, so this should be fun. I'll probably love anything described as having "mythic proportions" and is "comic and poignant" (says the cover).
3. The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner - A never read American classic. I read also now that Part 3 takes place on my birthday in 1928. Bonus.
4. Animal Farm by George Orwell - A review of how to write talking animals without being absurd. You'll see.
5. The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier - One of last years banned books. I had skimmed this as part of my first Mercury article, but not read it. It seemed at the very least worth the dollar.
6. Tales of Mystery and Terror by Edgar Allen Poe - A little late for the season but wtf. I've read a few of these but not all. Scary times.
7. The Orchid Thief by Susan Orlean - I fell hard for Adaptation so I think I'll enjoy this. Sold again on the jacket: "A lesson in the dark, dangerous, sometimes hilarious nature of obsession."
8. Running with Scissors by Augusten Borroughs - During my passing out twenty minutes into movies phase, I passed out twenty minutes into this movie. What I did see was absurd and great. Later on strangely, my Starbucks cup had an Augusten Borroughs quote on it. Weird.
No fruit resulted from an extensive search for more Tom Robbins or for Interview with the Vampire. They seemed to have every other Anne Rice novel though. Ah well, next time.
Now back to...whatever this guy's name is. I haven't named him yet.
In the order I just piled them on my desk:
1. Digital Fortress by Dan Brown - I've read every thing else he's written so far. Completes the set!
2. Big Fish by Daniel Wallace - I wanted to live in the movie, so this should be fun. I'll probably love anything described as having "mythic proportions" and is "comic and poignant" (says the cover).
3. The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner - A never read American classic. I read also now that Part 3 takes place on my birthday in 1928. Bonus.
4. Animal Farm by George Orwell - A review of how to write talking animals without being absurd. You'll see.
5. The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier - One of last years banned books. I had skimmed this as part of my first Mercury article, but not read it. It seemed at the very least worth the dollar.
6. Tales of Mystery and Terror by Edgar Allen Poe - A little late for the season but wtf. I've read a few of these but not all. Scary times.
7. The Orchid Thief by Susan Orlean - I fell hard for Adaptation so I think I'll enjoy this. Sold again on the jacket: "A lesson in the dark, dangerous, sometimes hilarious nature of obsession."
8. Running with Scissors by Augusten Borroughs - During my passing out twenty minutes into movies phase, I passed out twenty minutes into this movie. What I did see was absurd and great. Later on strangely, my Starbucks cup had an Augusten Borroughs quote on it. Weird.
No fruit resulted from an extensive search for more Tom Robbins or for Interview with the Vampire. They seemed to have every other Anne Rice novel though. Ah well, next time.
Now back to...whatever this guy's name is. I haven't named him yet.
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